


Ain't Nothin' but a J Thang

by rig_ma_role



Series: Calamity Zone: NCT Disaster Dorms [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Chocolate, Crack, Ice Cream, Jaehyun is in a crisis, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, Licking, M/M, Oblivious Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24410134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rig_ma_role/pseuds/rig_ma_role
Summary: Taeyong being a little bit too enthusiastic in indulging his unintentionally lascivious habit. And Jaehyun's having a bit of a meltdown.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: Calamity Zone: NCT Disaster Dorms [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762792
Comments: 21
Kudos: 205





	Ain't Nothin' but a J Thang

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to do a fun little series of randomness in the dorms. Starting off with some Jaeyong. Hopefully I don't abandon this.  
> Also excuse the errors, not beta-ed and the g and h on my laptop don't work, I've been copying them from other places when necessary or letting spellcheck do the work. :(

Jaehyun has a problem.

It's more so that Taeyong has a problem, and because Jaehyun has invested about 80 percent of his waking thoughts on Taeyong, it has now become Jaehyun's problem.

The issue in question is Taeyong's oral fixation, of constantly biting, chewing and or sucking on anything he has in his hands. Jaehyun had noted the nail biting a long time ago. It's a miracle Taeyong has any nails to even speak of. Ever since they were trainees Taeyong would unconsciously nibble at the edges of his nails whenever he felt nervous or bored.

Jaehyun is willing to bet half his vinyl and his turntable that Taeyong's nails have never seen air beyond his fingertip.

He assumes Taeyong's fixation on inserting things into his mouth and consequently gnawing and or sucking them into oblivion, is a coping tactic. A _nervous tick_ , if Jaehyun were to be plebeian about labeling it. Whenever Taeyong goes into that weird headspace, and seems like he's rebooting his system, he would place anything he has in hand into his mouth and start nibbling. If he does not have anything in hand, a minor portion of the appendage itself (most often his fingers) would end up in his mouth.

Any kind of pen or pencil that finds its way into Taeyong's hands ends up with teeth marks or completely chewed and mangled. 

So, it suffices to say Taeyong has a problem. But the issue flowed over into Jaehyun's conscious due to his minor obsession with Taeyong. It's just a tiny crush……very small, Jaehyun swears. And constantly seeing Taeyong's plush lips and tongue working over a different number of items has been slowly driving Jaehyun crazy.

He has been a good boy, refraining from staring at Taeyong's lips. but with time and the rapid increase in stressful schedules Taeyong's little quirk has become concerningly excessive in intensity.

Jaehyun is generally used to the nail biting and occasional chewing of pens and pencils. But as of late Jaehyun's patience was being tested by the numerous situations that found him being witness to Taeyong being a little bit _too_ enthusiastic in indulging his unintentionally lascivious (in Jaehyun's eyes) habit.

Which strangely enough seemed to happen way too often these days

.

.

.

Everything bubbled to a climax on a hot summer afternoon but prior to that Jaehyun's decent to madness could be recorded down in three specific scenarios.

* * *

Scenario one was technically Jungwoo's fault. Sometime in mid-January he had entered and won a raffle draw from their regular supermarket and became the proud owner of three giant boxes of bubblegum.

And from that point onwards, at any given moment Jungwoo would produce bubblegum from his pockets. The members often speculated that Jungwoo had infinitely deep pockets because he would always have bubblegum on hand, no matter how many he gave away. It became so common place to see Jungwoo’s benevolent distribution of handful of bubblegum that Donghyuck would often refer to Jungwoo as the _bountiful_ _vending machine_. 

Sticking to his 'sharing is caring' motto, Jungwoo would hand out bubblegum to anyone and everyone, be it the 127 members, the Dreamies, WayV, the camera crew, the stylists and even one very surprised MC of a variety show. Jungwoo had very casually interrupted mid film to offer up gum with an innocent smile, it did not help that the entire thing was on live television. 

And even then, by March the boxes were only a quarter way done and Jaehyun is pretty sure that Taeyong had demolished a considerable portion of the stash by himself.

More often than not Jaehyun would be assaulted with the image of Taeyong blowing the biggest, rosiest bubble until it popped, covering his lips in sticky pink residue which he'd then painstakingly lick off his face and back into his mouth. Only to repeat the entire process over and over till the flavor ran out of the gum.

Then he would take another piece and start over.

It was an endless, mildly torturous cycle of watching Taeyong's flushed tongue pop out of his mouth and trace all over his lips, unintentionally lewd and suggestive.

And Jaehyun could only stand to watch the scene for so many times before he entirely lost his mind.

He'd endured the bubblegum fiasco until he'd developed an awful cramp in his hand, owing to the unhealthy amount of times he’d jerked off imagining Taeyong’s tongue doing things other than licking chewing gum off his lips. He collected the rest of Jungwoo's stash and fobbed it all off on the Dreamies. Jisung was ecstatic and Jaehyun was finally relieved from that torture.

Jungwoo was less than happy but was placated when he realized the there was something hilariously ironic about the Dreamies enjoying so much bubblegum.

* * *

Scenario number two was purely Johnny's fault.

Upon discovering a YouTube ad for silicone molds, and making chocolate figures from said molds, Johnny had enthusiastically ordered one online.

His purchase arrived in the mail on Saturday and on Sunday evening Johnny, Taeyong and Jaehyun gathered at the dorm's kitchen to embark on a culinary voyage…..of creating a chocolate Santa Claus. Even though Jonny kept on calling it a _culinary voyage,_ in Jaehyun’s honest opinion it was more of a short drunken trip.

There was very little _taste testing_ to be done as it was just melting and reconstructing chocolate from plain old squares to Santa shaped. But Taeyong had heard the word chocolate and had immediately volunteered to be the official taste tester for Johnny's little experiment. Jaehyun on the other hand wasn't sure how he got roped into the whole thing.

"So I got like three different kinds of chocolate and a Santa shape silicone mold" Johnny says pointing at the pile of chocolate bars and a squishy looking pink blob in the shape of an upside down bucket that sits on the counter.

"How on Earth are we supposed to make a Santa figure from this thing? And why on Earth are we making a Santa figure in the middle of May? It feels weird to have Christmas things when it's not December " Jaehyun grouches, poking at the pink blob with an outstretched finger.

"We are making Santa because it was like the only cheap one I could find online" Johnny replies with a shrug.

"Probably cause it's off season. Only you'd be stingy enough to by a Santa mold in May" Jaehyun says with a smug smirk.

"Shut it you. I'm not spending more than two dollars on a cooking experiment. And the chocolate was kind of expensive" Johnny sniffs indignantly. "Any-who, we just need to melt down the chocolate and pour it in through the hole at the bottom of the mold and let it set for like an hour. We can make a couple more snacks and maybe watch something while it sets."

Taeyong, who'd been slumped over the kitchen counter with his face cupped in both hands (sucking on his pinky finger, Jaehyun notes), perks up at that. "Oh cool. You guys work on the chocolate thing and I'll make us some Carmel popcorn."

.

.

.

Keeping an ear out for Johnny and Jaehyun, Taeyong gets to work popping some corn.

"Johnny, bro, are you sure it's supposed to get sticky like that. Shouldn’t it be smooth and…..you know... like…. melty?"

Taeyong's ears perk up...the current commentary from Jaehyun does not sound all too promising.

"Jaehyun my man, trust me. It'll be fine"

And several seconds later, "Actually scratch that, it's not fine, I don't think it's supposed to turn that brown"

Thankfully Taeyong intervenes before the duo can burn the kitchen down. 

"You guys need to cook more. Or at least look it up online before you do something cause that is _definitely_ not how you melt chocolate" Taeyong sighs, looking at the mishappen burnt mess... in a pan...over direct heat.

"It's chocolate, you just put it in the hot pan, and it's supposed to melt. Cause you know science... it's heat and what not" Johnny says incredulously.

Taeyong gives a shake of his head and sighs.

"No, you put it in the _hot pan_ and now it's _burnt_. You have to use a double boiler"

"And what the fuck is that." Johnny scrunches his face up in confusion.

Taeyong mumbles "idiots the whole lot of you" under his breath and sets up a double boiler with a pot full of water and a glass bowl. "There now put the chocolate in the bowl and melt it. Keep stirring as it melts"

With Taeyong's instructions, Johnny and Jaehyun successfully melt the chocolate and finish up by pouring it into the mold.

Taeyong has also finished working on the caramel popcorn by that time, so they grab a bowl full and settle down in the living room to watch a few episodes of the newest thriller drama while the Chocolate Santa sets.

Approximately 3 exciting episodes and a plot twist later, they remember the chocolate and make their way back to the kitchen to check up on it's progress.

Johnny deems the chocolate to have set enough and peels back the mold to reveal, not a Santa clause, but a very thick chocolate dick, mushroom head and all.

Taeyong starts giggling hysterically as Johnny stands in the middle of the kitchen with a chocolate dick in his hand, confusion evident in the furrow of his eyebrows.

"It's not Santa" Jaehyun says, unable to comprehend the situation as he stares at the 9 inch chocolate monstrosity in Johnny's curled fist.

"No shit Sherlock" Johnny deadpans.

"It's Santa's dick" Taeyong's giggles continue increasing in intensity

"This is what I get for ordering cookware from shady online stores" Johnny says with a sigh waving the chocolate dick in the air. He inspects the dick "whoa this is pretty detailed, and also definitely not Santa's dick, cause he's a wrinkly old dude and this dick….is without a doubt _not_ old dude dick…it looks hella fine."

"Please stop talking about Santa dick. Christmas is now forever ruined" Jaehyun cringes. He waves a hand in the direction of the dick shaped confectionary, "What the hell are we supposed to do with that now?"

Taeyong's giggles patter out before he shrugs and grabs the chocolate out of Johnny's hand. "It's still edible, so we eat it" he says. And with a very pointed look in Jaehyun's direction he takes a good much out of it …...head first.

Jaehyun exclaims a resound "NOPE", turns around on his heel and hightails it back to his room without a backward glance.

* * *

To be fair the third and final scenario, the climax of Jaehyun's eight month long problem……..is entirely Jaehyun's own fault.

The summer heat is sweltering and the A/C at the dorm has not been able to handle it. Everyone has resorted to wearing shorts and cotton t-shirts or in Johnny's case going bare chested.

Either way there's way too much skin on display.

He's not particularly bothered by any of it except when it's Taeyong flashing the whole world with his pale thighs and sharp hipbones. Taeyong had pulled out all his baggy short shorts, that ride up his thighs when he sits down and soft cotton t-shirts that have stretched out over the years and hang off his shoulder. Jaehyun prays for the cold season to come around soon so everyone, especially Taeyong can go back to being fully covered with clothing.

Around 2pm on the day in question-where scenario three goes down- Jaehyun has placed himself in front of the living room couch watching a rerun of Naruto, a mini battery powered fan in his hand trying to ward off the heat.

Donghyuck and Mark are splayed out on the floor next to him, all appendages spread out like star fish.

"We are in hell!!! We are going to die!!!! Boiled to death! Like last night's chicken" Donghyuck whines dramatically, flopping about on the floor like a freshly caught salmon. "I need something ice cold. And maybe like move to Antarctica, but I'll settle for an ice-lolly right about now."

Donghyuck pokes Mark’s hip with his toe and whines. "go get me an ice-cream from the fridge. I can't get up. I think I'm stuck to the floor with all this sweat"

Mark groans but clambers up and makes his way to the kitchen. Jaehyun can hear him shuffling about the kitchen for a while but he returns empty handed. "There's nothing in the fridge. Not even some ice water. And we are all out of ice-cream".

Jaehyun kind of feels bad because he's pretty sure he was the one who ate the last popsicle yesterday. Fueled by guilt and a sudden bout of generosity he offers to take them out to get some ice-cream from the convenience store at the corner of their street.

"Heck yeah! You're the best Jaehyun Hyung" Donghyuck screams already halfway out the door.

"Goddamn wait a second, I'll get us some caps, we don't need the sun to melt whatever's left of your brain" Jaehyun says with an eyeroll.

Jaehyun passes by Doyoung lounging on a spare beanbag in the corner of living room, sleepily fanning himself with a newspaper.

"You are going out?" Doyoung asks Jaehyun as he grabs three caps - for himself, Mark and Hyuck - from the overflowing hat rack.

"Yeah, just popping over to the conbini, Mark and Hyuck are coming with me. You want anything?"

Doyoung grabs a piece of prescription paper out of his pocket and hands it to Jaehyun, "yeah can you get me this specific lotion. The heat is doing a number on me and I have rashes in places I don't want to talk about"

Jaehyun scrunches his nose and gingerly pockets the piece of paper, "TMI hyung, I'll get your lotion."

Jaehyun hands Mark and Hyuck their caps and slips on some sandals. He contemplates for half a second before yelling into dorm " We're going out to the conbini does anyone want anything?"

A shout of "ice coffee" comes from Johnny's room and "something to drink, that's not coffee" Jungwoo yells from down the hallway.

Jaehyun regrets the decision to step outside in the merciless heat. The trio are sweating buckets by the time they make it to the 7/11. Once there, Mark and Donghyuck b-line straight to the refrigeration unit at the back and are elbow deep in the ice-creams selecting all kinds of flavors before Jaehyun can impose a three ice-creams per person rule.

Jaehyun grabs an ice coffee for Johnny and Gatorade for Jungwoo. He then hands over Doyoung's prescription to the cashier to ring up the lotion while he waits for the other two to come back with their haul.

The impending doom his wallet is about to suffer is confirmed when the two return to the counter with what seems like the entirety of the icebox in their hands.

The cashier's eyes widen at the mountain of ice cream that is dumped on to the counter but quickly recovers and starts billing them.

"Are you two planning on getting diabetes?" Jaehyun asks with a sigh as the cashier bills the 36th ice cream with a beep.

"Nahhh, it's for everybody. I even got Taeyong hyung's favorite. He's been fidgety all week and some sugar would do him good" Mark says nodding wisely.

Jaehyun hmms and brings out his wallet to pay for everything. They return arms laden with three bags full of ice cream.

.

.

.

When they get back and announce the free for all ice-cream they've brought back, the entire dorm-minus Taeyong- descends upon the sweet iced treats with thanks to Jaehyun and the two youngest.

After another round of thankyous everyone scatters off back to their rooms with a few extra ice creams in hand, leaving only Johnny, Doyoung and Jaehyun in the kitchen.

Jaehyun hands over the coffee to Johnny who's already got himself a matching coffee flavored popsicle in hand. Jaehyun is inclined to tell Johnny that he may have an addiction, but refrains when he sees the gleeful look in Johnny's eyes as he slurps down his caffeine in a cup.

The Gatorade has already disappeared and Jaehyun assumes that Jungwoo took it with him.

He notices that Taeyong is still missing as he searches through the grocery bag and finds Doyoung's lotion. "Hey hyung, where's Taeyong hyung?"

Doyoung pockets his lotion and grabs a vanilla ice-cream out of the bag on the kitchen counter. "Hmm...oh... He's taking a shower. He'll be happy to see you've brought something cold. We are all dying in this heat"

"Oh my God it's so freaking hot." Taeyong enters the kitchen whining and toweling down his fluffy pink hair. 

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear" Doyoung snickers and ducks out of the kitchen avoiding the towel whipped his way by Taeyong.

"I forgot to turn on the A/C before I took a nap, I swear I straight up sweat right through my sheets. It's so horrible." Taeyong says with a shudder. He spots the bag on the kitchen counter fogging up with condensation and squeaks in delight. "Ohh did you buy ice-cream? Thank you so much Jaehyun. You're a lifesaver"

"You're welcome hyung." Jaehyun says with a soft smile, taking a blueberry popsicle for himself. "Mark said he got your favorite"

"Nice" Taeyong says and promptly proceeds to pick out his favorite and starts to fellate it right in front of Jaehyun.

.

.

.

So yes, scenario number three was his own damn fault, for suggesting to go out and get ice-cream.

To make matters worse Taeyong's 'favorite' is actually a strawberry abomination, that's unusually thick and leaves a reddish tint on everything it touches.

Sweet Taeyong is not so innocently stuffing his cheeks with the ice-lolly and turning his lips pink and plush.

There's melted sticky ice trailing down Taeyong's hands which he decides the best way to clean is by licking it off.

Jaehyun stands with his mouth open, half the blueberry popsicle he'd picked out, hanging out of his mouth as he watches the spectacle of Taeyong eating. He's pretty sure the earth has stopped spinning and everything (except Taeyong's lewd performance) has come to a standstill. Was Taeyong aware of the fact that he was basically auditioning for a role in a porno?

He's brought out of his stupor buy a very loud slurp. He glanced to his right to see Johnny casually leaning near the kitchen sink, a knowing smirking tugging at the corner of his lips.

Johnny slurps his ice coffee again and motions for Jaehyun to close his mouth, because apparently it’s hanging open and he's maybe drooling just a little bit.

Jaehyun was so into Taeyong’s inadvertent pornographic display, that he'd completely forgotten that Johnny was still in the kitchen with them.

Johnny gives him a pat on the back and a wink before and makes his way out of the kitchen, smirk still in place.

Jaehyun is stranded and left alone with Taeyong and contemplates whether his current situation is fortunate or unfortunate. Because Taeyong is still going to town on the ice-lolly, and the view is magnificent, but his dick is standing at full mast and one wrong look in the downward direction from Taeyong and he would be exposed.

Poor Jaehyun is slowly closing in on the requirement of a straight jacket and a one-way ticket to the nut house if he does not immediately leave the kitchen.

Taeyong hmms around his strawberry ice-lolly and stares Jaehyun down. After a few good sucks he takes it out of his mouth and cocks his head to the side, a contemplative look in his eyes. "So Jaehyun, do you know that blue and red make purple?

Jaehyun is not entirely sure why Taeyong is giving him a talk on color theory right now.

"Uhh I guess. Not that I'm not interested, but why are you telling me this hyung?" Jaehyun asks, a little disoriented, trying to figure out a way to escape without seeming rude. Sprinting out of the kitchen at max speed does not seem like the best option.

"Well you've got a blueberry ice-cream," Taeyong says pointing to the half-eaten popsicle in Jaehyun's hand, "and I have a strawberry one, soooo….. are you up to making some purple?"

Jaehyun tries to connect the dots as he dumbly stares at Taeyong's pink tinted lips. "Umm what? Like melt it on the stove or something, do we need a double boiler again?"

"Jesus H. Christ!!! Jaehyun hyung you are hot as hell but dumb as a bag of rocks when it comes to Taeyong hyung".

Jaehyun jumps in surprise at the very loud exclamation that comes from Donghyuck, who is standing in the kitchen doorway, with an empty wrapper in hand. Jaehyun really has to be more vigilant about his surroundings.

"Hyuck ...I don't….what????"

Donghyuck throws the wrapper into the dustbin and then sighs. "Taeyong hyung really could not be more direct about this. He wants to make out with you….and maybe suck your dick." Donghyuck stares at Taeyong's face for half a beat…."yeah he definitely wants to suck your dick"

Jaehyun’s pretty sure the universe is treating his life like a sitcom because at that exact moment his blueberry ice-cream melts and splats on the floor, as if emphasizing his current distress.

"Hyuck what...no...he...what? My dick? "

Taeyong leans back against the wall and raises an eyebrow, waiting for Jaehyun to finish having his meltdown.

Jaehyun faces Taeyong, flustered, ears turning redder by the minute, "Hyung do you really want to...you know…. do _that_ with me?"

Before Taeyong can reply Hyuck snorts out loud, "what the hell Jaehyun hyung why are you acting like a blushing virgin? Do you need me to give you the sex talk or something?"

Jaehyun does not need to be hearing such slander from the youngest of the group. "No and I think you've done enough so leave so I can actually talk with Taeyong Hyung."

"Mmmmhmmm, get that dick Taeyong Hyung, I'll get everyone out of the house for a while" Donghyuck says giving Taeyong a big thumbs up. He then turns 180 and yells at the top of his voice, "Ya'll we gotta leave the house for about an hour, Jaehyun hyung's finally going to get his dick sucked"

There's a smattering of whoops a couple of claps and Johnny's voice yelling "finally, that only took about half the year"

Jaehyun falls to the floor, groans and hides his face in his hands. "Fuck you all" he mumbles.

Taeyong who's been holding it all back laughs out loud. He hands Donghyuck a few crisp notes. "There's enough to cover a good meal, keep them all busy for about three hours while I deal with Jaehyun" Taeyong says with a wink.

"Dammmmnn hyung. Three hours???" Donghyuck eyes widen comically. "Y'all have fun then, and I think we broke Jaehyun hyung" he says pointing at Jaehyun who is still huddled into ball on the floor, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Yeap, I'll fix him up. Now off you go" Taeyong says with a nod and shoos Donghyuck out of the kitchen.

Jaehyun whimpers as he hears all the other 7 members leave. There’s a shout of “use protection you two” before the front door close behind them with a bang, shutting out the laughter and muffled whispers.

"I feel like I've been played. You've been sucking things in front of me, very obviously for a while now." Jaehyun mumbles into his hands.

“Come on get up off the floor now. We’ll talk about this back in my room.” Taeyong extends a hand to Jaehyun, helping him up. Jaehyun puts the rest of the uneaten ice-cream in to the fridge and meekly follows Taeyong to his room.

The moment he gets inside the room Jaehyun is pushed backwards on to Taeyong’s bed. His mind registers that the sheets smell freshly laundered and the next thing he knows, Taeyong is tugging at his shorts, eyes all hooded, his tongue tucked into his cheek.

“Hyung what the heck. Stop for a second. What are you doing?”

“Looking for the lost city of Atlantis! What does it look like I’m trying to do?” Taeyong deadpans.

“I don’t think you have a right to be sarcastic right now. And I just came back from the store and I’m like really sweaty and dirty so…”

“So…. You aren’t against the dick sucking, jut that you’re sweaty?” Taeyong sits himself on the floor and crosses his arms “Okay. Go take a shower and comeback. We’ll continue.”

Jaehyun pinches at the bridge of his nose and exhales loudly. “Shouldn’t we talk about this, I mean…ten minutes ago I thought you were just very enthusiastic about your popsicle, but you’ve been trying to what…seduce me?”

Taeyong gives an equally frustrated groan, “Jaehyun you thickheaded fool. I’ve been eating dick shaped things in front of you for the last eight months. Of course I was seducing you. Do you have any idea of how much Johnny’s been mocking me about my failed attempts? I’ve been at this for months and if Hyuck hadn’t stepped in I would have sucked you off right there in the kitchen. So, here’s what we are going to do, you’ll go wash up, I’ll suck you dick, we’ll maybe fuck and then we’ll talk. How does that sound”

There are times to be sentimental and straight headed. And there are times to be a horny bastard and very not straight…….Jaehyun decides that it’s high time he let his little head take over, “Yeah …yep…. sounds like a plan. Give me ten minutes”

Jaehyun dashes out of the room thanking whatever deity that is looking over him. Because finally after all these months he’s going to get his dick sucked by Taeyong hyung, and it was going to be so good.

**Author's Note:**

> Sexy times in part two, which'll be Taeyong centric. :D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] Ain't Nothin' but a J Thang](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28442568) by [moon_apple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_apple/pseuds/moon_apple)




End file.
